Does it feel like we've been listening to talking heads bang on about nuclear submarines for five years? That big AUKUS deal was only officially announced on Tuesday, but the mainstream news media insisted on relentless covering it for the rest of the week. Four full days of submarines! They don't even exist yet and I'm tired of them already! But this newsletter is not about me, it's about you. You've asked for an explanation of why this is such a big deal and I'm here on this fine Sunday to deliver.

Very quickly, here's a summary of the AUKUS nuclear submarine deal: The U.S. and U.K. already have nuclear-powered submarines, we do not. The deal is in three phases: first, the American and British will take turns sending their subs to do visits in Aus so our military can learn about them; second, we will buy 2x of the American subs (if allowed) sometime in the early 2030s so that we can have our own; third, all three countries will work together to build brand new 'AUKUS' submarines – these will be ready in the late 2030s, early 2040s. This will all cost $368 billion.

Now for whatitallmeans. This is one of those stories where you need to hold competing truths in your mind at the same time – both the reasons it's good and the reasons it's bad are correct, even when they directly contradict each other.

Nuclear Submarines = good because...

• It is the biggest US endorsement of Australia as an ally in a long time – maybe ever. Think of it like the US just asked Australia to be Maid of Honour at its very fancy wedding. Big deal in international affairs that makes us seem important to a lot of other countries too.

• It's an overdue upgrade to Australian defence equipment. Lowkey, the Australian Defence Force is rocking with some very old and outdated stuff. At some point you do have to upgrade. As I understand it these submarines a) will have new features that don't already exist in the ADF and b) will be world-leading technology when they're ready.

• It will show China that Australia isn't a pushover. China has made some provocative moves in the APAC region (see: Solomon Islands) and stuffs Australia around sometimes (see: wine). As the biggest military, economic and increasingly cultural power in our part of the world, the Chinese govt may think it can push lil ol' Australia around. This deal is a way of saying "don't fuck with us we are a big serious country 😡."

Nuclear Submarines = bad because...

• They are expensive as fuck and there is no established plan for how these will be paid for. And in the meantime, both the current Labor govt and previous Coalition govt have told us they can't afford to do the things we desperately need: end fossil fuels and transition to renewables; raise welfare to $88 a day; add dental to Medicare, etc etc. Would these billions be better spent elsewhere?

• China is our biggest trade partner. The Australian economy is heavily reliant on China. It's a delicate relationship. The Morrison govt did some damage and Foreign Affairs Minister Penny Wong is trying to repair that relationship... but if the Chinese govt sees these nuclear subs as a threat (which they are clearly supposed to) it could put us in a bad place again.

• It reinforces the idea that the U.S. is the boss of the world. Global power dynamics are shifting. Instead of seizing the moment to show how things could be different, taking this deal is Australia once again jumping at the chance to be a little sidekick to the U.S. and helping military efforts that only keep them powerful – nobody else.

Why did the AUKUS subs dominate headlines for the whole week? For the older, white men who are newsroom decision-makers, international affairs & even a hint of war is quite simply what they think is the most serious, important news. Don't get me wrong – it is an important story, but the overkill is because Serious Journalists are horny for war and America. Also, on Wednesday former PM Paul Keating went on a (very funny) rant at the National Press Club about how the Serious Journalists were doing a bad job in their AUKUS/China coverage, which made the journalists very upset and kicked off even more coverage. You can ignore most of what has been broadcast about these damn subs.

BUT I do think there is a good reason the submarines make so many of us uncomfortable, and is the only reason this story matters to normal people: Here we have a bi-partisan, long term strategic plan that the govt is executing to respond to what it believes is a serious threat. Whether or not you agree with that threat is beside the point. It is proof that government does not need a mandate to spend hella money on something that it thinks is necessary. Equally, they do not need a public consensus to close down existing fossil fuel power stations or ban new coal, gas and oil projects. They don't need a public majority vote to increase welfare payments to above poverty-level. They could just decide to build the 400,000 affordable homes currently needed in Australia, all on their own.

They could just do these things. But they won't.So, we take it out on the nuclear-powered submarines.

– CrystalFounder & Chief of Everything at Zee FeedFollow me on Instagram or TikTok

Good stuff on Zee Feed rn:

If you know someone with Endometriosis, I really urge you to read this heartfelt piece by Simran. You probably do, as 1 in 9 Australians are diagnosed with physically debilitating and mentally devastating disease. CLICK HERE TO READ.

Smart stuff on the Internet 💭

All the stuff I found on the web that made me think, smile, or have an ‘aha!’ moment. Spend your Sunday reading them – you'll be better off for it:

Everyone needs to grow up on DazedThis essay is SO much more than it seems on the surface! Stick with it: "Hitler himself was a Disney adult. If the desire to relinquish responsibility for your own life can be considered an infantile trait, it’s easy to see why this would make you more susceptible to authoritarianism."

The Hailey Bieber Witch-Hunt: Why Brands Need To Stop Capitalising On ‘Female Rivalry’ For Social Media Marketing on Centennial Beauty"As brands continue to pit these women against each other, they strip Selena and Hailey of their accomplishments and goals, positioning them as superficial people who only exist to appeal to men. And unfortunately, TikTok has only made things worse."

Body horror: Darren Aronofsky’s ‘The Whale’ on The MonthlyEveryone is happy Brendan Fraser got an Oscar, but not that he got it for this movie – and this review does a v. good job of explaining why. "Fatness in film is never incidental. No matter what a fat character does or says, their body informs their character and – perhaps more importantly – the way that character is treated."

And for something light, I cannot stop laughing at Taryn Delanie's TikTok skits pretending to be the receptionist in Heaven. The George Washington joke is 3000/10!

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